Indulge me for a moment and just think of someone that you know and get on with really well. Think about the last time you met them and had a great time with them. As you think of that time notice how much you were both in tune with each other, if you think about it perhaps you can picture just how much you were taking on each other’s mannerisms, or you might be picking up the feelings and mood that you created.
Now some of you probably know what I mean by matching and mirroring. For those of you who don’t, I will explain more a bit further down. But for those of you that do know, here is a word of warning:
Matching and mirroring is a rapport builder, but there are ways and means of doing this that go way beyond just mechanically copying people’s body movements or physiology.
For those that haven’t yet got a clue what I am talking about yet here is a
People like people that are like themselves
So as you think of people that you get on with really well, you will start to think of lots of things that you have in common. Perhaps you have common experiences, you like the same movies or music. You might even start noticing that you use the same language, talk the same way and have the same sorts of mannerisms and gestures.
Now you might also say that all of this changes when you are with different sets of friends…and you would be right. The fact is we act differently with different types of people. For those of you that don’t agree, think about this just for a second –
– Do you act exactly the same way with your parents as you do your friends?
– Would you act the same with a police officer as you would a lover?
If you do, let me know where and when the court case is.
What happens is that on an unconscious level you will start to act a little more like the people you are close to and they will do the same with you.
Here is a little piece of homework for you.
Just go somewhere where there are people in conversation with each other, maybe a bar or restaurant and just watch people that are getting on with each other, or not as the case may be.
You will notice that people in rapport with each other will have a natural rhythm or flow that matches each other. Just knowing this means you have a powerful, nonverbal connection strategy. Just matching key aspects of the woman you want to meet allows you to put her at ease right from the start. If you match and mirror the right things you will instantly build rapport and develop a great connection.
I guess your next question would be, “what should I be matching and mirroring?” If I were totally mercenary I would tell you to buy my special Making Instant Connections report. But I want to be good to you guys…so here it is:
• Angle of head
• Spinal tilt
• Gestures and movement (but only when appropriate)
• Tone, volume and pace of speaking
• Facial expressions
• Any words that they use often
The word of warning:
When I say this to people they go off and start doing it really mechanically. That is not the point. What I would point out is that this is a naturally occurring quirk of human nature and you need to do this naturally. A more in depth version of this and exercises that are designed to get you to do this easily and naturally appear on my Make Instant Connections Report. But this is enough for you to have a go at just gently building rapport with other people. Please go out and have a go just noticing the different feelings you get when you establish rapport with people.
An easy way of noticing the difference is when you are with some friends where you have a natural rapport just break it in the middle of a conversation and notice the difference in how you feel inside a well as how it changes the quality of the conversation.
Now here is the really clever bit. Let us assume that you have practiced building rapport, you have noticed what happens when you build rapport and you already know that after you have rapport people will naturally follow your gestures as much as you are following theirs. Now I know that for some you will want to have a look at the report and go and practice a little first, but let’s just assumed you have done this for the purposes of the illustration below.
Just imagine the situation where you are walking up to the woman you have selected to talk to. As you are walking up, you build a gentle level of rapport non-verbally (there is a specific way I show you to do this in my Making Instant Connections report). As you get closer you make eye contact and hold this a little longer than normal and at the same time you slowly “grow” a genuine smile. I will guarantee if you do this right you will get 99% of women smiling back at you. The 1% that don’t are not worth your attention or have had far too much plastic surgery.
What does this do for you? Well smiling relaxes people. Two people smiling at each other is an instant rapport builder and will just deepen the connection. My Making Instant Connections report sets you up with a variety of exercises that will ingrain this approach until you do it instinctively.
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I guess that some of you already know how to match and mirror as this is old news in some quarters. Please believe me there are ways of getting these results that are far less mechanical and create deeper level of connections, faster than you can imagine. If you are already good with rapport there is enough information here for you to practice walk-ups that build great connections instantly…and you don’t have to just do this with women. Any of you that feel you could do with a little more to really develop this fully feel free to buy my special report on Making Instant Connections as this will give you everything to be able to do this like a grand master.