I wrote it because I can understand your frustration! If you’re reading this post, then I can probably guess something…
You secretly desire one of your female friends.
So let me ask if any of the following sound like you:
* “I love this girl, but she barely knows me.”
* “My best friend loves hanging out with me, but only likes me as a friend.”
* “Every time I meet a girl, I end up in the ‘Friend Zone’.”
* “I’m a nice guy who ALWAYS loses to the Jerks of the world.”
Did any of these statements sound like something you’ve said to yourself? Maybe you feel a little angry that the world is filled with attractive women…none of who want to date you. This gets even more frustrating when you meet a great girl, only to get the “Let’s Just Be Friends” speech. Pisses you off, doesn’t it?
YOU are the one who talks to her on the phone. YOU are the one who brings her on “pseudo dates.” YOU are the shoulder she cries on whenever she has a problem.It’s an awful feeling to be close with a girl and watch her go for one asshole after another. You’re good enough to be her friend, but not good enough to be the one that she seeks for relationship and companionship.
The simple truth is this: most girls don’t mix friendship and sex. If you’re her buddy, then she will not look at you like she does other guys. If you’re in the “friend’s zone,” then you’ll probably stay there! This is the place of no return. She doesn’t see you as a dating partner. You are a sexless man in her opinion, and nothing else, unless…
You are willing to take action!
That’s what this post is about. I’ve written for you…the guy who is tired of dreaming about that one girl and is willing to take a risk with his dating life. But before we begin, let me clear up one thing…
Most of the time, it’s really hard to go from being a girl’s friend to her life partner. Women simply don’t look at their guy friends that way. In order to change her opinion and become more than friends, you have to take drastic measures.
What I’m about to reveal is not going to be easy, nor is it going to happen overnight, but I can guarantee that if you follow this plan, it’ll become your best chance for getting that girl you’ve always wanted.
Before we get to the plan, let’s briefly discuss the main challenge that’s going to hurt your chances with this woman…
As I mentioned in the introduction, this post is not for the faint of heart. In fact, it’s going to be more difficult than you could imagine.
Your challenge is to take her sexually neutral (or negative) emotion about you and change it. At this point, she probably doesn’t think of you as somebody she would want to date. Or even worse…she looks at you like she would with a brother!
This is a very difficult obstacle to overcome! In fact if you do it wrong, it could have disastrous results. Here’s what I mean…
When a guy “puts the moves” on a girl, he runs the risk of losing the friendship. Even if he decides to confess his true feelings, he could create a very uncomfortable situation where she’ll want to avoid him.
Now I don’t really blame guys for doing stuff like this. In fact, I blame Hollywood for many of the misconceptions men fall for nowadays. We see girls get all teary-eyed at every romantic John Hughes flick and think that’s what women want.
While girls love crying at romantic movies, they really don’t want their guy friends professing their undying love and playing a stereo outside their window in the morning.
This will not help you win her affection!
If you profess your love or make a move with no warning, you’ll probably destroy your friendship and not get the girl. What will probably happen is your profession of love will be met with an uncomfortable silence. Then this girl will sputter and try to think of something to say to get herself out of a really awkward situation.
At this point, she might even make a decision to remove you from her life. She’ll avoid you, stop returning your phone calls, and tell her friends how weird she felt when you tried to put the moves on her.
So here’s your dilemma…
How do you take that first step without completely freaking her out?
That is your challenge!
At this point, you are her friend. This girl feels comfortable around you. She doesn’t worry about what you think of her, nor does she feel the need to impress you. And while you might think this is a good thing, it’s actually your main problem.
The fact that she doesn’t have to amaze you directly contradicts her behavior with a guy she would date, because truthfully, most women want a little a challenge from the guys they go out with. A bit of mystery goes a long way! And since she probably knows everything about you, it’s hard to create that sexual tension that’s necessary for an intimate relationship.
So how do you get closer to her without scaring her away? The best way to make a move without freaking her out is to shake up the nature of your relationship. While you won’t immediately attempt to get this girl, you are going to change her opinion of you.In other words, you are going to be become the guy she WANTS to date!
So let’s talk about the attitude you have to adopt from now on. In the next section, we’re going to discuss some of the things that need to be done in order to make her see you as more than just a friend. Before you know it, she won’t be able to get her mind off of you!
The New You!
This section is about changing her neutral opinion of you. This requires a drastic change in your relationship!At this point, you’re a good friend. You’re probably always there when she needs somebody. This is great if you only want a buddy, but if you’re looking for more, this has to change.
Right now, you’re completely sexless in her eyes! When this girl goes to bed at night, she does NOT have fantasies about you. She’s thinking about the other guy. This is the exciting, fun man who provides a challenging experience.
The good news is that her opinion of you is about to change!
If you want her to want you, she has to look at you differently. This change starts with your actions. To get the ball rolling, you have to make some changes within yourself.
Specifically, we’re going to completely overhaul the nature of your relationship with this girl. Here are a few steps to make this happen:
Step 1- Make sure this is what you want before you do anything, I really want you to ask yourself if this is something that you want. Once you put this process in place, it’s hard to go back to the way things were before. Even worse is the fact that you could risk losing this girl’s friendship.
As I mentioned before, this post is about taking action in your life. There is a definite risk because you’re going to make an obvious attempt at taking things to a physical level. This is dangerous because you’re ultimately making her say yes or no to being with you.
And sometimes, a woman will not be interested.
It’s a fact of life. Some friendships can’t be changed into a relationship. You might be in one of those situations where she’ll never feel the sexual tension that she does with other men. Trying to become sexual with this girl can completely change the way she looks at you, and she might even try to end the friendship!
So again…make sure this is what you want first.
There is nothing wrong with having platonic relationships with women. In fact, I’ve found that a few friendships with women have helped me date a lot of other girls, so consider this before you get started.
If you’ve decided that you really want this girl, there are a few things you should immediately do…
Step 2- Don’t be her girlfriend
Remember, your goal is to become her lover, not her friend. You’re already her buddy, but if you didn’t want something more, you wouldn’t be reading this right now.
In order to make this happen, you have to eliminate all the habits that reinforce the “friend” status you’re now in. If you don’t want her to think of you as just another girlfriend, then you need to stop acting like one!
The funny thing is that most guys have a lot of trouble in this area. They think that ceasing this behavior will hurt a girl’s feelings, and truthfully, it might. But it’s important to keep the end goal in mind. While you don’t have to be an asshole about it, you must stop behaving like a puppy dog that follows her around waiting to be petted!
Here are a few tips you can take now to stop acting like her girlfriend:
λ Don’t Call Her 24/7
Her girlfriends spend hours talking to her on the phone. You will not!
Your days of gabbing on the phone listening to her problems are over. If you want to be the mysterious guy she wants to date, then she shouldn’t know too much about what’s going on your life.
The phone is great for setting up a date or maintaining sexual tension. It’s not meant to be something where you’re spending hours listening to a girl talk about her life.
Keep it that way!
λ Don’t Let Her Talk About Other Guys
This is another habit that swiftly places a guy in the “friend’s zone.” When you allow a girl to talk about her guy problems, you’re subconsciously reinforcing the friend label that she’s placed on you.
In other words, you’re the safe friend who is sexually neutral.
If this girl mentions other guys, change the topic. Don’t be rude about it, but find other things to talk about that don’t have to do with another man. Doing this will ultimately communicate that you’re not interested in hearing this line of conversation.
λ Don’t talk about your feelings
A friendship usually evolves from the mistakes guys make when they first meet a girl. As we’ve discussed, women want a bit of mystery from a guy. Being too candid about your life is one of the quickest ways to kill any chance of creating sexual tension.
While you can’t change what you’ve already told her, you need to stop revealing all the insecurities and problems you have in your life. Leave this conversation for your friends and family…not the girl you want to date.
There’s nothing wrong with being in a committed relationship and talking about your problems, but these types of revelations don’t help build mystery and attraction.
Women are not interested in guys who show their insecurities. You’re trying to act like a man she wants to date…not one of her emotional girlfriends.
λ Don’t Agree With Everything She Says Or Does
Most guys avoid any conflict with their female friends. They think that agreeing with everything she says is the quickest way to make her like them.
Unfortunately, this is not the case.
Sexual tension is what creates desire, and it evolves from being unsure about the nature of a relationship. The tension makes a girl uncertain about how a guy really feels towards her, and as a result, she experiences that fluttery excitement and anticipation of not knowing what’s going to happen next.
To create this incredible feeling in her, you have to stop being the guy who agrees with everything that she says. Don’t be afraid to challenge her statements. In fact, go out of your way to tease and joke about the things she says and does.
Trust me, if you’ve developed the habit of always agreeing with her, she’ll wonder why you’ve suddenly changed.
λ Don’t Bring Her On ‘Pseudo Dates’
The “pseudo date” phenomenon is a mistake I see guys make all the time. Some men think that buying expensive dinners or taking a girl on an elaborate date is the best way to win her heart.
The funny thing is that this does nothing to change the nature of a friendship. In fact, it will actually hurt your chances!
A common mistake guys make is to treat their female friend like they would any other girl they’re trying to date. They take them to dinner, go to the movies, buy them presents, and bring them on trips. When you do stuff like this, you probably think that you’re slowly turning her into your lover, but you’re not.
In essence, these activities are doing more to strengthen the friendship than to create a potential sexual
relationship. She’s learning that she gets all these things from you without giving anything back
λ Never Be Boring
Remember that women want a bit of excitement from the guys they date. They want experiences they can remember and tell their female friends. If you want her to look at you in a whole new light, then you have to cease doing the things that’ll make her think of you as a boring guy.
So don’t do the activities which other men would do. Don’t watch home movies with her, and don’t take her to a restaurant. In other words…don’t do the things that are predictable.
One of the best ways to look good in her eyes is to take her somewhere that focuses on you. If you play in a band, invite her to your show. Do you take pictures? Get them hung up in an art gallery, and invite her to check out your work. Maybe your buddy’s having a killer party. Why not bring her along, and introduce her to all of your friends?
As a result, she’ll be flattered to be in your company.
Step 3- Remove yourself (for a bit)
Here’s where things gets a little tricky (I told you this process is not easy).
In the last step, you were purposefully changing her perception of you as a man. Hopefully you created bit of tension with your actions. Whereas you were once her buddy who was always there for her, now you’ve grown a little distant.
If you had a good friendship, then she’s probably wondering why you haven’t been around. In addition, she’s probably a little sad that she doesn’t have you in her life. In essence, you are NO longer at her beck and call. You’ve now proven that you are in complete control of your destiny, and you no longer do everything that she wants you to do!
Now we’re going to take this one step further…
For a couple of weeks (maybe even a month), you’re going to remove yourself from her life. Without going into to much detail, this is a key step.
You want her to realize on a psychological level what it’s like to not have you in her life. Not being around her for a period of time is a way to increase the tension that’s been created in the first step. T
his will make her wonder what you’re doing and why you aren’t around as much. Perhaps she’ll even start to grow a little jealous that you no longer have time for her.
This step doesn’t have to be a lie. In fact, in the next step, I’m going to cover what you should be doing during this time.
But if she asks about your absence, a vague response should suffice as an answer. Just tell her that you have something you need to concentrate on for a period of time. It could be anything from schoolwork to your home life, but let her know that you won’t be around for awhile.
You can return her phone calls, emails, or texts, but do so in a slow manner. In other words, be the busy guy. When she calls, wait a day or two before calling her back. Don’t jump at the chance to contact her (like you used to do). This will add congruence to what you’ll do in the next step.
Step 4 – Create your new life
In order to make this woman attracted to you, you have to make her see you as a sexually-desirable man. This means creating a lifestyle that she will find interesting. Here are a few ways to do this:
λ Bring Out Your “Alpha Male”
Women are attracted to dominant men who make them feel wanted. At some point in your friendship, she made a conscious decision about not dating you. This probably happened because, frankly, she never saw you as someone worth dating.
This is an opinion that you have to fix!
When you’re “reconnecting” with her, you want to create the question in her mind about why you’ve changed. In order to do this, you have to bring out the “alpha” – or dominant – part of your personality. Consider this as an opportunity to change how she originally saw you.
Now I don’t mean you have to become one of those guys who act like complete assholes, picking fights with everyone, but you should spend time apart from her developing the dominant part of your personality. In other words, become an alpha male!
I wrote this report as a companion piece to my 24 Traits of the Superior Alpha Male, so you should be familiar with the concepts that I discuss in that report. In order to better your chances with this girl, I encourage you to review this book and learn how to show an Alpha Male personality.
Remember, you can’t change this woman’s opinion of you until you bring out the attractive side of your personality that she’ll love!
λ Do Fun Things
Part of being an attractive man is doing the things that you want to do. While this might seem overly selfish, girls are drawn to men who are living according to their own rules. Rather than being concerned with what others think, an alpha male lives an awesome life with purpose!
While you’re focusing on bringing out the dominant side of your personality, start doing stuff that only makes you happy. Hang out with other friends, focus on your favorite
hobby, and do stuff that you’ve always wanted to try.
In other words, become a man who is more interesting then she ever gave you credit for being.
If you do enough things, you’ll have plenty to discuss when you see her again.
λ Hang Out with Other Women
It’s a basic law of human psychology that we tend to desire what other people covet. Think about those fads you see all the time. People get sucked into the trends of the day, constantly trying to be popular and fit in.
You want to create this same feeling with your girl friend. In other words, you want to be that guy who IS desired by other women. You basically want to create a situation where you’re a stock that she wants to invest in.
The solution is simple…start meeting lots of women. You don’t even have to date them, but at the very least, have women in your life. Think of this as a social proof. Before, she saw you as the buddy who was always around. Now, you’ve changed into that guy who seems to have a lot of women who want to be around you, and she has to compete for your attention. This will get her wondering if you had a special quality that she might have overlooked.
Here’s a sneaky tactic that can help increase her tension: If you have a MySpace or Facebook account that you know she’ll see, make it a point of commenting (and getting girls) to comment on your page. At some point, she’ll wonder what’s going on in your life, and she’ll check out your page. When she does, she’ll see that you’ve been meeting a lot of women.
As a result, you’ve established that social proof where she sees how women really want you! It’s pretty powerful stuff!
Ok, now that we’ve covered the lead-in to seeing her again, we’re going to move on to how to seal the deal. Once you’ve made an overhaul of your life, you’re going to completely shift focus here.Let’s move on to how to get back into her life in manner where she can’t wait to hook up with you!
Reconnecting with Her
As I mentioned before, you will spend a period of time away from her. Hopefully by now, she’s wondering what you have been doing in your life. Perhaps she’s even seen you around with other women.
This will set the initial feelings of jealousy, but it’s not going to be the thing that pushes her over the edge and makes her desire you. At this point, she’ll still look at you like she would a friend. Sure you’ve pulled a disappearing act, and maybe she’s even a little jealous that you’re not hanging out with her, but at this moment, you need to take her platonic feelings and begin transforming them into something more.
Here’s how to do that:
One day, give her a call, or meet up with her if you don’t have a number. Think of this phone call like you would with every other girl that you’ve met. In a way, you’re “reestablishing” new terms for your relationship.
Let’s think about how you handle your first phone call with a new girl. Basically your focus for these conversations is to create sexual tension. This is not a post on how to talk to women on the phone, so I’m going to keep this to a minimum.
Basically, some of the key elements to remember include:
λ Call her when you know she’ll be around (this does not mean the weekend).
λ Spend a few minutes catching up and talking about what you’ve been up to.
λ Ask what she’s been doing.
λ Tell a few stories that put you in a positive light. Mention one or two tales that involve another girl. When you do, don’t come out and talk about the other girl. Just refer to her as a “friend.”
λ Tease, and flirt. Do this lightly on the phone. Right now, you’re trying to create an entirely different image of yourself in her eyes, so it’s important to be subtle manner at first.
The conversation should be 15 minutes or less. This may sound like a ridiculous rule, but it serves a purpose, and that is to reinforce the notion that you are a busy guy. Talking her ear off for hours won’t make you seem like someone with a lot going on. Instead, you’ll just seem like you’re the same boring guy who she doesn’t want to sleep with.
As you’re wrapping up the conversation, you want to – again – briefly mention that you have a lot going on with your life, but you feel like you haven’t seen her in ages and would like to hang out sometime. Then lead the conversation towards how you have a free night in the week coming up. Tell her (don’t ask her) that you guys should definitely hang out that night. If she can’t, you can make it for another night.
Don’t be too flexible with finding a day to hang out. Remember that you’re the guy who has stuff going on in your life, and being too accessible will hurt all the hard work you’ve done up to this point.
When you do make plans, what you’re really doing is asking her out on a date, but keep that information to yourself for the time being. She shouldn’t know at the time that when the two of you do get together, she’s going to have entirely new feelings for you. In essence, you’ll be bringing her out on a date that is designed to make her feel attracted to you.
In order to ensure this takes place, don’t let her bring other friends around. It is JUST you and her together; other people will only hinder your chances of success. In fact, if she’s insisting on bringing somebody else, then it’s actually better to make up an excuse and cancel then get stuck in an awkward, group activity.
So let’s say that the two of you have set a date to get together alone. What are you doing to do when you’re finally together?